I feel like I start every cancerversary blog post with, "Wow, I can't believe it's been [insert number] years!"
Honestly, I'm starting to get so far removed from my diagnosis and treatment, I sometimes forget why I blog and raise money for the LLS and all the jazz. I mean, I'm not completely removed; I'm still hypersensitive to certain jokes or ideas (seriously, don't make jokes about me dying or relapsing. Can't believe that even needs to be said). But at the 4th annual benefit concert we had last weekend, I neglected to even mention that I'm a leukemia survivor.
A couple of my friends are always uncomfortable/confused when I tell them it's my cancerversary because they're like, "Uh...do we...celebrate that...?" I guess I don't think of September 9th as a celebration, but more as a reflection on where I am now versus where I was in 2011. Things aren't perfect, but overall, I'm doing really well! I like my job, I like my band, I'm getting my M.S., I have a wonderful boyfriend, I have lots of great friends, and I'm generally very happy. That's the first time I've been able to say that in a lonnnnnnng time.
The one thing that bothers me now that it's been almost five years since I've finished treatment is the fact that the cause has seem to become less important to everyone around me. To an extent, I can't blame them, since I literally just said that I sometimes forget why I'm doing this. But I'm still doing it. My life has been permanently changed by my experience with cancer, and because of that, I spend a significant amount of time and energy fundraising for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and trying to draw attention to the fact that leukemia is a terrible disease that needs to be eradicated, ESPECIALLY in kids. It gets harder and harder each year to reach my fundraising goal, and I've been lowering it with each year because I can see the trend. And part of me doesn't even want to have to play the cancer card in order to get people to donate because it shouldn't matter.
This is why I think it's good to recognize my cancerversary every year. It's a time to remember what this disease did not only to me, but to the thousands of kids diagnosed with blood cancers every year. Just because I have lots of hair and lots of white blood cells doesn't mean that blood cancer isn't an issue anymore. Sometimes I feel like people who followed my story don't realize this fact: Not every child who gets AML survives. And that freaking sucks. And that's why we need to improve treatments!
Sorry this has kind of been a rambling, preachy post. (I'm actually sick, so I'm not really 100% focused haha.) Let's wrap this up.
All in all, I'm proud of what I've accomplished over the last five years, and I'm extremely grateful for the extra time I've been given on Earth thanks to my doctors and all of the scientists who contributed to developing the drugs that cured me. I'm also thankful to all the fabulous people who have come in and out of my life since my diagnosis and have helped me get through everything life has continued to throw at me. I'm glad a lot of the emotional trauma is dissipating and turning into more of a drive to keep fighting blood cancer in any way I can. That being said, don't let my successful fight lead you to falsely believe that the whole problem is solved, which I think is a good attitude to take towards anything. Don't get complacent. Keep fighting. Keep improving. Keep moving forward.
And donate if you can. =)
http://pages.lightthenight.org/wcny/Rochestr16/AEberhardt
Happy 5th cancerversary to me!
