Day 13 - Jailbreak

I considered making today's entry simply, "I showered," and leaving it at that, because honestly, I don't think there's anything more important to say.

I'll go in order. The doctors came in this morning and told me they could give me a "day pass," essentially to go home for a few hours to shower and eat dinner, and then come back. They said if I wasn't back by midnight, I'd turn into a pumpkin. I signed the papers, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to make the trek home just to be there for a few hours. Meanwhile, I got platelets and a blood transfusion, which I think is going to take a long time for me to get used to. It's really strange to see a bag of blood or yellow gook and think, "that is going into my body." I was also talking to Dr. McCarthy about blood counts and whatnot, and he said, "Well, your platelets were at 14 today; we usually transfuse below 10, but since you're getting your procedures done tomorrow, we'll just do it now." So I asked him what a normal platelet count was. "Over 100."

Oh.

This yellow goop that is supposedly a bag of platelets is seriously gross.

Anyways, after realizing that I wouldn't be able to shower for another four days when I started the chemo, I decided that I would do whatever it took to bathe. I called my dad and told him to come get me. The nurse detached me from the IV, and I was free to go!

BUT WAIT. One of the doctors came in right before I left with the results of the cytogenetic testing they did. Turns out I have some weird abnormality in my cancer cells called the NPM1 mutation, which makes them even more susceptible to chemo, and it puts me in a low-risk category! In the words of my aunt, "I even do cancer right." I can't even express how relieving it is to hear news like that.

So I put on my mask and made a break for it! It felt so weird to walk around without the IV pole. It also felt weird to be outside. And then we hit no traffic. It was a good day.

Breaking out!

I got home and was greeted with a Welcome Home sign, balloons, and gallons of Purell. I sat around and talked to my grandparents for a little bit and then decided to shower. I had to wash my hair three times. It seriously took that long for it to feel clean. It was so gross. And Robert wouldn't let me forget it.

However, the grosser part was the amount of hair I lost in the shower. It was making me sick to feel the clumps coming out. I'll be honest, I was crying when I was combing it because it was just so heartbreaking to see all my hair fall out like it was nothing. I can feel it getting thin. I'm hoping that if I get discharged this weekend, I can go get it cut short to avoid that happening again, because I know I won't be able to handle it.

That kinda brought me down, plus I was just exhausted from having been in the shower. I ate two big bowls of chicken soup, but then I had to go lay down for a little bit. It was so nice to be in my own bed, even if it was only for an hour or so. Then my mom came back from Back to School Night, so I hung out with her and my grandma for a while, talked to my aunt on the phone, and packed up to head back to the hospital. I have to say, I am NOT good going down stairs. My legs were so wobbly, and I was hanging on to the banister for dear life. But I'll be back to normal in due time.

Another weird thing today was getting a good look at myself in the mirror. My mom told me I look like a plucked chicken, and it's not far from the truth. I don't have hips anymore, and my butt is completely gone. I guess 7 pounds really does make a difference. Not only that, but I'm covered in mystery scars and bruises since my body is incapable of healing itself. That's kind of an eerie thought.

But I'm focusing too much on the negative! I had an overall really great day, filled with good news and good hygiene. The doctors are trying their best to get me discharged tomorrow afternoon after I start my second round of chemo. They even want to give me a 48-hour pack instead of a 24-hour one so that I don't have to come to clinic both days of the weekend. And this is a great thing because ANDREW IS COMING TOMORROW. He's missing some of his classes and recitations, but I told him if he throws the word "leukemia" around with his professors and TA's, I'm sure they'd be very understanding... ;)

And now I'm back in my hospital bed, just chilling. I was so excited about the mutation that I told the nurse hahah. It's almost midnight, so I'm not allowed to eat or drink anymore since I have to go under anesthesia tomorrow. I'm getting a spinal tap and lumbar puncture and I'm not even nervous. It's a good sign. =)